The REAL Gift Guide for Lawyers
Know a lawyer? Like the lawyer? With the holidays upon us scroll past the gavels, scales of justice, and law books, here’s The REAL Gift Guide for Lawyers.
***Gifting Scale (1-5):
- 5 = Got away with murder
- 4 = My case was dismissed, but it should have been.
- 3 = No jail time. Thank you.
- 2 = I should be out in a year.
- 1 = I can appeal it, can’t I?
Duh. Any bottle will do.You can go a step further and gift a yearly prescription of Wine or Spirits delivered straight to your lawyer’s office door.
Waverly PilotTranslating Headphones
Légitime. That’s legit in French and is exactly what these headphones are. With the ability to translate five different languages, your alibi can be tested in English, Spanish, French, Italian, and Portuguese. These can be pre-ordered now and delivered May 2017. Next fall languages such as Chinese, Japanese, and German will be integrated.
Rating: 2 1/2
Anyone can drown out a bullsh*t with a sneeze, but not everyone can push a button that screams it. “Your Honor, I object, [press bullsh*t button].
Cost: $17 – $399
Put your lawyer in the zone with these Bluetooth operated wireless headphones providing precision sound without all the mess. Sit back and relax as your lawyer delivers a memorable closing argument to the tune of Thunderstruck.
Hover Camera Passport
Lawyers love them some lawyers. This selfie stick on steroids connects to your smart-phone and hovers over you while simultaneously capturing epic aerial footage. Look at me now!
Swagtron T1 Hover Board
Remember when lawyers walked to the courthouse? Not anymore. Give the gift of swag in the form of the Swagtron T1 Hover Board, known in the hovering community as the best value on the market. An added bonus, if you dislike your attorney, there is a chance the thing blows up.
BulletBlocker Bulletproof Executive Briefcase
Who doesn’t want a lawyer with bulletproof accessories? This briefcase houses bulletproof lining and is guaranteed to keep your case file secure. Not sold yet? Doubling as a bulletproof shield it is guaranteed to keep you and your legal team safe.
Bullet Blocker Bulletproof Leather Tote
For the bada$$ female trial lawyer.
Cost: $59.99 – $249.99
Is your lawyer a fitness fanatic? If not, should they be? Give them a subtle hint in the form of a fitness-tracking device capable of reporting such things as heartbeat, calories, and sleeping patterns. Better yet, locate their online username and data to see just how fast their heart beats when their objection is denied.
Mini Nintendo NES Classic Edition
Depositions and meetings can drag on for hours. Break it up with the Mini Nintendo NES Classic Edition. A slice of heaven pre-programmed with 30 original video games. Excitebike in HD on an over-sized flat screen? Yes, please.
Gadgets and Gear Spy Pen
Rating: 3 ½
If it looks like a pen, writes like a pen, then it’s a pen. But this isn’t your ordinary pen, it is equipped with a camera capable of recording high-resolution videos and snapping high-resolution, date and time-stamped pictures. Channel your lawyer’s inner 007.
Vat 19 Inkless Pen
Rating: 2 1/2
Nothing like having a game-changing thought with a pen out of ink. Worse is the busted ink pen that finds its way on the lawyer’s sharp outfit. The inkless pen eliminates both problems, so your lawyer has more time to focus on yours.
Easy ACC 10,000mAH Ultra-slim Dual USB Power Bank Charger
Rating: 2 1/2
Exciting? No. Invaluable? Yes. This power bank keeps all USB devices charged and ready. With personal portable device use at an all time high, feel confident your attorney will be available 24/7.
Please Don’t Confuse Your Google Search With My Law Degree Coffee Cup:
Give your lawyer a daily reminder that he or she is as smart as they believe. Upgrade this gift with a Starbucks gift card, because no one likes sleeping lawyers.
Insults and Comebacks For All Occasions:
Rating: 2 1/2
A lawyer without a witty comeback is no lawyer at all. Arm your lawyer with elite weapons of mass insults. “I know you are but what am I?”
Happy shopping and happy holidays.